Confusion.

After the lecture the other day on respecting the cadaver, Many thoughts have run throigh my mind on the subject.
I am amazed at myself. I am amazed that I, who will shed tears for the dead dog on the side of the road, feel nothing towards the dead man that lies naked, stripped of all dignity, on the table before me. I am scared to be honest. Scared that I have lost the ability tp feel. I sit almost everyday for 2 hours a day in a hall surrounded by the dead. Their bodies in grotesque condition. How I am i able to stomach it? More importantly WHY am I able to stomach it.

I honestly felt nothing for the dead man, until yesterday. Yesterday i saw them slicing a man or woman in half. They sawed the person in to two. Splitting open the skull, cutting right through the body.

I know its their job. I know that they perhaps have no other way to make a living. But i cannot, for the life of me accept what they did. I understand that it is all in the name of science. But I also now understand why science without control on it is madness.

Think. If it was you. If it was your body that they were SAWING in half. Separating you. You dont know what will happen to the other half of your body. Will it be burnt? will it be burried? or will it simple be cut up further for more specimens? or worse, will it be simply abandoned down the rubbish chute?

What if it was your body i was dissecting? Your muscles i was tugging, your nerves i was tracing.
For the first time, it hit me. What if it was me?
Would i want to be treated this way? would i want to lie dead, cold, exposed to the world?
Would i want to be put in a freezer every day and be dragged out and dropped on a colod steel table every morning?
Did he, the man who we now dissect want to be treated this way? Or did he have no say what so ever in the matter? Did he make the desicion to be ont he table in forn of me by himself? or was that desicions made for him when he could have no say in the matter.

And how can I, a person who has always prided herself in having principles and sticking to them not feel anything for the person??

I know that I learn from him, and for that, from the bottom of my heart, form a place where words cannot express my gratitude, i thank you sir.

Sometimes i wonder, will our lecturers donate their bodies to medical science? Knwoing the way that cadavers are treated. With so little dignity, Will they give themselves for our future generations to learn?

These questions now plague my mind. I hate myself for not being able to do anything about it.

That is NOT all.